Get up and get get down 311s a joke in yo town!
This morning Ani and I are walking to the bus. And I spot a dead raccoon on the side walk. After crossing the street, so Ani doesn't freak out. I call 311-the number designated for non-emergency things.
Operator : Hello, City of New York how can I help you.
Niel : Yes, there is a dead raccoon on my block.
Operator : Is it on the side walk, on the street or on Private property?
Niel: The sidewalk.
Operator: Because if it is on private property it is up to the home owner to put the animal or rodent in a large black garbage bag and dispose of it.
What if it isn't garbage day, you should have a raccoon carcass in you garbage for three or four days?
Niel: No its on the sidewalk.
Operator: OK, let me transfer you to someone else who can help.
Operator #2: Hello, City of New York how can I help you.
Niel: As I said there is a dead raccoon on my block.
Operator #2: Is it on the sidewalk ...
Operator #2: Which borough.
Operator #2: Do you have an exact address.
Niel: No, It is near the corner of Flushing and 63rd street.
Operator #2: I need an exact address, we can't have our people looking for it.
Niel: It's the only dead raccoon on the block
Operator #2: I understand that sir.
Niel: I am a few blocks away, I can't go back to see an address. But it is right near the corner.
Operator #2: I am going to need a name sir
Niel: (awkward pause)
Operator #2: your name sir
Niel : Ohh
I give him my info and I am sure there will still be a dead raccoon on my block tonight when I get home.