Its been a trying few weeks, but thanks to the guys in the dad blogger Facebook group for saying the right things to get me back behind the keyboard

A few weeks ago was thirty four years since my dad died, that loss is still very present in my life even today. I have been thinking a lot about him recently I guess I knew that the anniversary was coming up, even if I didn't know the date.

When he passed my brother and I were the same age as my kids are now. Nugget is about six months older than I was. I don’t remember him at all. I know what he looks like from pictures but I don’t know what he sounded like. I know I am lucky that I get a chance to spend so much time with my kids and experience so many fun things with them. It also freaks me out when I go to the doctor and still am dealing with blood pressure and cholesterol issues. I can’t leave them.

This subject still gets me very upset, there is a hole. It makes me sad and angry. I know that I am at an age where getting fatherly advice isn't so needed. But still, there were lots of ages where I could have used that advice. And don’t get me wrong, my mom did a great job raising us, but there were things she couldn't answer.

It makes me mad, that I never got to argue with him. We never went to a ball game together. Never had a beer together, I don’t know if he liked beer. He didn't get to meet my wife or my kids.

Recently as part of my “things to do before I turn forty”,  I started looking into his military service records, partially to replace his medals, and partially to learn more about someone who I don’t even know but is such a huge part in my life.

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